BRB BM.

Back.

Look, Ugmo modes of speech are making their way into this Journal, too. Which means I’m either entirely used to thinking of this as a blog first, or my actual way of speaking has become, well, Ugmo-y. Certainly I’ve copied speech patterns off Bz and Bown, for example, at times.

Oh yeah, “BRB BM” means “be right back, bowel movements”, by the way. It’s a phrase that mixes internet nerdiness with a knowledge of Hitchcock trivia.

On his blog recently, Bz said that the reason he probably hadn’t been blogging recently was because he was happy. I realised suddenly that this was probably the exact same with me. I wouldn’t say I’m happy at the moment – it’s more like things are in a state of “being better than expected”. But still.

And yes, I’ve been neglecting this blog too. So I’m going to try something, a way of forcing myself to write. I’m going to write one a day, with the intention of short little stabs of text. If however I end up raving on – which tends to happen – then that’s even better.

Bz, by the way, also had a little rabid rant about death. I’ve sorta responded to him doing that before, but again, I feel like I should. As I said to him, the idea of death doesn’t always terrify me if I think, “Oh yeah, but I’ll be remembered, y’know.” Of course, when I painfully remember on days that I haven’t done anything of note at all (except for that thing that has that note in it... AHAHAHAH oh god what a terrible joke), that sort of thinking doesn’t help in the slightest. It’s a very single-minded thing, depression. I think that’s probably the reason I get over it quickly; I crave diversity. It’s just too boring being depressed all the time.

Anyway, Bz’s sudden oh-my-god-I’m-gonna-die moment is very much like the one I had... when was it, 2007? When I was walking home at night, and suddenly all the streetlights seemed to dim and I staggered with the weight of the thought that had dropped into my head. It’s really just one of those thoughts that seem mightily obvious, yet for no real reason at all they’ll sometimes just smash you in the face and throw you right over the edge. The worst part is that, for obvious reasons, you’re alone in thinking it, just for that period of time. Cos no-one else would understand... or rather, they do, but aren’t going through it at that very time and it seems tired and, well, “mightily obvious” to them.

Ah, 2007. The year that everything changed. I mean, I can read stuff that I wrote in 2007 and think, “Hmmf, I wouldn’t say that now”, but it’s still far closer to me now than – oh, you know what? That’s obvious and stupid. Of course it’s closer to my 2008 self. It’s last bloody year. But really, there was a change. I’m not entirely sure what caused it, though I can guess, and I think Bz is right. Yep! Unhappiness!

Should I post that very first special 2007 Journal entry online at some point? I’m still worried about it, cos it was really very honest and, considering apparently my blog is occasionally scanned over by my parents, it could be... well, not good. I mean, Liam’s mum found out he’d made a sextape through reading Ugmo updates, so anything is possible really.

Oh what the heck, I’ll do it and get rid of it fairly quickly. NO HARM DONE except to my slit arms.

(Joking. Joking! JOKING!)

In other news, I had a dream about a Pokemon war which I’ll write down soon cos it was surprisingly detailed and... erm... cool?; the situation with illegal-girl gets ever more bizarre as other-girl-from-work-who-I’m-friends-with practically tries to set us up together; I’ve had some very weird sleeping patterns recently (in fact they’re not patterns at all, they’re all over the place. Hence why they’re weird); I capped our computer again and I’m going to say it was this whoblocksyou.net thing I fell for, even though it really just wasn’t; I cried at a film for the first time in years (specifically, Dancer in the Dark); I’m oh, oh so tired.

First blog of the month ends here.

HEY BZ! (or here, really)